Fear speaks loudly; you need to listen
By Cat
We've all been there.
You come home and you notice something's wrong. The rooms are darker. Or the gate is ajar. Or the dog's dish isn't where it's supposed to be.
Fear is talking — shouting! — and you're trying to ignore it.
This happens to a lot of women who are kidnapped, beaten or raped — and lived to tell about it. I watch a lot of "Oprah," and the stories are eerily similar: A woman comes home, notices the house is darker than usual, dismisses it, then gets cornered by an angry ex-husband who kidnaps and rapes her.
According to "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker, 75 women are raped every hour in the United States, and every few seconds a woman is beaten. Each day about 400 Americans suffer shooting injuries and another 1,100 face criminals armed with guns. Think about that for a second.
De Becker says victims of violent behavior usually feel a sense of fear before any threat or violence takes place. They often dismiss the fear — and that can prove fatal.
Watch this clip from "Oprah" about the gift of fear.
Here are the takeaway messages:
• Obey your instincts: If something feels, smells or sounds wrong, it probably is.
• Watch a person's behavior: If someone is overly persistent — even when you've politely told him/her to stop — or you start to feel distrustful, be careful. Overly persistent behavior is a common trait among stalkers. And be wary of excessive charm, too. Charm is not a character trait; it's a behavior pattern.
• Be more assertive: We — especially women — are taught to be polite and nice. But when someone crosses that line of respect, you have to put your foot down. Speak up, tell people, get help. Don't wait.
So was there a time when you felt the fear and did nothing? Or when your instinct was right? Do you believe in letting your fear guide you? Or do you think fear can hold us back from living full lives?
The Daily Dish
July 24th, 2008 at 6:24 am
CAT,
Sobering stats. Can't figure why guys have to rape women especially when yesterday's blog on Paul Janka indicates that there is enough women to pick up to keep any libido happy! I think it has to do with the macho power and control gene that men think they possess and have to exercise it to prove it to themselves. Sad!
July 24th, 2008 at 6:30 am
Cat: Get a big dog with a loud bark and a wide bite radius.
July 24th, 2008 at 6:54 am
YES Ladies, you CAN get raped by your husband. Any form of unwanted sex is rape period, whether you are strangers, seeing each other, dating or married.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:22 am
The best advice I got from someone was to be keen on your environment. He said that if you see trouble ahead, find another route. Makes perfect sense. If a woman walks to her car and she's all alone in the parking lot, has a funny feeling in her gut, then she should leave and wait till others are going to their car too. For the home thing, I'd turn on as much lights as possible. I'd open all the doors and windows as I approached them, that way you can be heard and the criminal has an out that hopefully won't involve you. And call the cops if something is funny, you might have to wait 1 hour before they show up but it's there job to serve and protect.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:58 am
That is scary
Ok Cat, you' ve convinced me.
I'll stay away from you.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:30 am
i think there is a distinct line where your inner voice will tell you . . . "dude, this is just stupid." that's not fear, hopefully it's common sense. and doesn't the phrase still stand? - "woman's intuition"
July 24th, 2008 at 11:23 am
it's not just guys who do it to girls. every so often, it happens in reverse. i just left a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. i never thought it would happen to me, and i tried to ignore my growing fears and rationalize reasons for me to stay with her. in the end, i realized my safety and happiness were at stake, and i left. it was a difficult decision, but the right decision to make.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
verrrry important to know.
gotta watch out for these wolves in sheeps clothing.
one of my co-workers is just like that. he acts all nice and proper and tries to pass himself off as a real nice guy. but what he really is doing is trying to impress and make others feel indebted to him so he has something over them. so fake and calculating with ulterior motives.
my other co-workers are slowly catching on and he is starting to get exposed. scary dis kine guy.....and kinda psycho if you ask me.
July 24th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I been stalked by two girls in my lifetime. They were both very bizzare situations to go through for me. The first one would show up at my house at random times throuout the day and night. She once even convinced my roomate to let her in when I wasn't home and she got undressed and waited in my bed for me to get home. Talk about a weird situation. I had to change my phone number and eventually move because of her "persistance." The second girl wasn't nearly as much of a nuisence (probably because I learned what to look for from the first time I went through a stalking) but she was creepy all the same. I mean I am 6'4" and 205lbs and I was in fear from these two little asian girls (like 5'3" each.) It's really a hard situation to deal with too when there is such a difference in size from my stalkers. I mean who would believe that someone my size could be afraid of these girls. I was constantly in fear of finding a dead rabbit in my truck or something...
July 24th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
You know . . . I'm sorry, but, what's being said here, it's the lessons I (and many of us) got since hana-bata days, OK? "Stay away from that man who standing around like that [and, by the way, it was never HOW the guy looked -- pilau, well-dressed, whatever; it was always a matter of how they could look at you, a matter of where they were standing all lonesome by themselves or what] he going take you and hide you," whatever. And the girls got that lesson DOUBLE.
Tha's why, when I read this kind of thing, this new "this can save your _________," my first reaction is to contemplate how much PC has ruined so much stuff. The PC movement never had a good heart, never had good intentions for the majority of the populace (and knew they had no majority support anyways) in what they were trying to do. And all PCers who managed to take common sense away from us. At least try. Most folks I know disdain the whole "love the criminal! He's poor t'ing! He's a victim of his environment." Just give up. Let evil be your friend.
A Spidey-sense can only go so far. We need to empower ourselves and expect that anything can happen. The PCers try to convince us that evil does not exist. Well, it DOES exist, and somehow we've forgotten that we need the courage to just plain fight back. Let me speak figuratively: step up to that bully. A group approaches you? You look at the biggest one and you do anything you can to take that guy out. Then keep that baseball bat in your hands as you watch the reaction of the others.
Women, when you're being assaulted, that's the time to fight back the dirtiest that you can. Rape is a horrifying crime. If I'm being honest, I cannot believe I've never heard of one single story where a female has managed to rip off or manage to stomp on a certain part of the rapist's anatomy in the process. I've not heard of one. Ladies. Fight the hell back.
July 24th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Whoops: "And all PCers who managed to take common sense away from us. At least try."
should have read:
"All PCers managed to do was try to take common sense away from us, and in many respects, they succeeded. Well, no more! We know their game."
July 24th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I've had to file a few sexual harassment claims AT WORK. It really sucks to have to do it against people that you have befriended and trusted. And the betrayal of that trust is the worst. I've come to the point where I'm not sure its fear or paranoia but I've learned that anything suspicious is worth mentioning to someone. They can usually validate your craziness or good sense.
Perhaps not the same thing but guys...can be very creepy.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Ladies,
get a gun! I know, the politically correct will tell you guns are bad!
But if you're up against a man who is TWICE YOUR SIZE, all politcal correctness goes out the window!
That man can seriously injure you with his bare hands.
The liberal media focuses only on innocents who get shot! But there are some individuals who DESERVE to get shot at!
The stalker is one of them!
Don't get intimidated by the politically correct! Get a gun for your own protection!
July 25th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
"De Becker says victims of violent behavior usually feel a sense of fear before any threat or violence takes place. They often dismiss the fear — and that can prove fatal."
That may be, but we also don't bother remembering the 50 times we were afraid and nothing happened. That's not as memorable.
I guess the take away message is to be constantly fearful on the off chance that you're right someday.
August 15th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
[...] [...]
August 19th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
The dailydish.honadvblogs.com is interesting site, respect, webmaster. But look at this state water heater part
October 11th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
[...] Recent public urls tagged "rooms" → Fear speaks loudly; you need to listen [...]