Girls talk too much?
By Cat
I'm a talker.
And I used to blame my ethnicity — Portuguese — for this. But, maybe, it's a gender thing.
Psychologists and researchers are taking a keen interest in female friendship and girl talk, according to a story in today's New York Times. They're looking at how much talking is too much and whether excessive discussions about problems is actually helpful.
You know how it goes: your female friend breaks up or has issues with her boss at work. And what does she want to do — besides buy a $400 pair of Coach shoes? She wants to talk. And sometimes these conversations can last hours, over days even.
But sometimes this obsessive discussion typical among teens — coined "co-rumination" — isn't helpful, the article says. Why isn't he calling? What did I do wrong? Why don't my parents understand me? Sounds familiar?
According to researchers, this behavior has intensified with the introduction of e-mail, text-messaging and social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace.
And guess what? It's making girls depressed, more than ever.
The research distinguishes between sharing or “self-disclosure,” which is associated with positive friendships and positive feelings, and dwelling on problems, concerns and frustrations. Dwelling and rehashing issues can keep girls, who are more prone to depression and anxiety than boys, stuck in negative thinking patterns, psychologists say. But they also say it is a mixed picture: friends who co-ruminate tend to be close, and those intimate relationships can build self-esteem.
For boys, such intense emotional conversations, which tend to occur less often, did not contribute to heightened anxiety or depressive moods, according to research by Amanda J. Rose, an assistant professor of psychological sciences at the University of Missouri, Columbia.
“When girls are talking about these problems, it probably feels good to get that level of support and validation,” said Dr. Rose, whose latest study on co-rumination was published in the journal Developmental Psychology last year. “But they are not putting two and two together, that actually this excessive talking can make them feel worse.”
So what do you think? Is there such a thing as "too much talking" about problems? Or do you think talking it out — even if it takes hours — helps in figuring out your emotions and, eventually, overcoming them?
The Daily Dish
September 11th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
People stilll talk nowadays? I thought they just listen to Ipods and text. I like that phone commercial with that little cheerleader girl "I wanted to wear the black dress and SHE was wearing the dress" "I love gum". Hee hee, that's funny.
Wait until you're married and in a routine.
"How was work"
"Don't ask"
"Same problem"
"Yep"
"Are we doing it tonight?"
"I'm tired, how about tomorrow?"
"That's cool, something to look forward to"
"What's for dinner"
"Hot pockets, some fruit"
---crack open a beer and turn on HGTV. Wake up, repeat.
In a good way:)
September 11th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
This article you found sounds very 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' in the generalizations about sharing emotions. Continuing this train of though - yes - this generation has more ways to share their feelings with each other than before - making the exposure wider. The fact that there was that MySpace teen suicide was evidence enough of this. Anyways, back to the main topic.
In reality though, I don't believe there is such a thing as "too much talking" about problems. To me, I think the line is more between complaining and sharing. Some people just like to complain and don't do anything about it. If it is constructive though, eh - getting it out in the open with a close friend to work through things together is often easier than dealing with it on your own.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I wonder whether the study distinguished between face to face and on-line conversations?
September 11th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
hasn't text messaging and online instant messaging replaced talking on the phone?
September 11th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
This happens to guys as well, but since we have short attention spans the anxiety is short lived. =)
September 11th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Isn't this blog the exact example you are talking about?
September 12th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Yes! Women talk way too much.
September 12th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Men like myself come home and don't want to talk about the c*** at work. We just want to forget about it and have a nice pleasant dinner and evening at home. Women like my wife on the other hand want to rehash every single little annoying detail that happened at work that day.
Women should just try and relax (oops) and forget about it and have a nice pleasant dinner and evening at home or out on the town.
September 12th, 2008 at 11:36 am
YES! Women talk to much and they wonder why men get mad. I agree to discuss a problem but don't rehash or bring it up again when it's done.
Sometimes it's better to keep quiet so things don't escalate but that only frustrates women so they push and push to engage in a debate or conversation.
If there is a problem talk, but don't make it several hours long. 10 minutes max and never rehash it again.
September 12th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Yep, you gals talk way tooo much..I have my cell phone bills to prove it
Thank goodness for free nights and weekend minutes 
September 13th, 2008 at 7:10 am
No comment, not even "no comment."
September 13th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I used to speak very little, for reasons of economy, not wanting to have said something that was "obvious" to all (it being useless and me not wanting to look like a simpleton) or reiterate something that I had already said (redundancy), but as I got older I realized that everyone at work was doing just those things and realized that I was being a bit too quiet. So, in the interest of alleviating this growing awkwardness in my workplace conversations, I began to state the obvious and repeat myself and my stories. It worked.
I still feel a certain level of awkwardness though, but it's just not obvious on the outside anymore. I'll never be a master of conversation, but at least I fit in now.
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:36 am
mtlbpav kdlgwnozi zjygbkew tfyx agbnhuso vwcb lejuvbdq
October 10th, 2008 at 6:11 am
[...] Beat Your Depression | | How can you heal depression naturally? Facebook Syndrome: 8 Ways to Beat Your Facebook Addiction | The Daily Mind - Making the Daily Grind MeaningfulMy Depression Post | Cheaty MonkeyDepression: Based on a True Story | no diseaseDoes Depression Impact on Friendship? (Reprise) | Overcoming Mental Illness Sex offenders on probation: setting them up to fail | a public defenderGreene’s Release