ASK DR. DISH: Housewarming etiquette
June 17th, 2009 by CatSo we're doing things a little differently today.
I actually have a question. So obviously I won't be answering it! It's up to you to give me some advice.
A reader of this blog invited me to a housewarming party at her new place. Since most of my friends still live at home — or, like me, rent — I haven't been to a real housewarming shindig since I lived in Chicago about a decade ago.
That friend was extrememly particular about her decor and told her invited guests to please not bring anything house-related, please. She didn't want mismatched linens or bath towels or — heaven forbid! — a ceramic rooster for her kitchen. (If you're Portuguese, you know what I'm talking about.)
So she instructed us to bring food, potluck-style.
But what's appropriate to bring to a housewarming? I'd err on the side of something edible, but is that apropos? Or should I try to get something more home-friendly, like a blender or set of monogrammed hand towels?
What do you think?
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Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish, send her an e-mail at cat@thecatdish.com, and now watch her every Thursday at 6:45 a.m. on KHNL News 8.
Tags: advice, Ask Dr. Dish, etiquette, gifts, hawaii, housewarming, toth
June 17th, 2009 at 1:52 am
Nope.no gift.Do as requested bring FOOD! Whats your specialty again?Bring that. Then bring a nice bottle of wine(to be drunk at a later date) for the gift. OOps,guess i'd bring a gift too. Nice bottle of red,glasses as well if u can afford it. Or u can always bring a potted cactus.
June 17th, 2009 at 1:54 am
I'm not Portuguese,can u explain what you're talking about please.
June 17th, 2009 at 2:08 am
oops again,i think i read your story wrong. But anyways, its still what i'd do. Bring your specialty dish to eat that night.And a nice bottle of red for the gift,and possibly glasses.Hope she has a wine key.Maybe bring that as well. Blenders and such are wedding presents,no? You being a writer could offer a special gift. You could tell her that her gift is that you're gonna write a story, with pictures of her house, for Better Homes and Garden. Or something.
June 17th, 2009 at 2:49 am
Always was told that local custom (and I do not know the genesis) dictated two things: salt and soap. But, a little kim chee is always good too. And, I mean wine is a good backup. I would bring salt, soap and wine with instructions not to mix.
Why is she dissing the ceramic roosters? I think maybe everyone should take her one of those.
Sorry, Cat the more I think about this, the less I like this lady. I never liked parties where you were told to bring food. If I was having a party at my house, I would think that it was my responsibility to have plenty of food and drink. I also would never tell guests what they could and should or should not bring. If it is a cooperative party in the office or at school, then it might be a different story. Ayyyy.
This seems to translate to: "I want to have a party, but I want you guys to fund it and do all the work." Color me a bit cynical on this one.
June 17th, 2009 at 3:18 am
I know this may sound crazy but bring her a bag of rice. I guess some Filipinos do that supposedly so the home will never go hungry. Since she requested no house related gifts I would pass on the blender or monogrammed towels.
How about you bring your favorite dish, a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a gift card from one of those home stores.
June 17th, 2009 at 3:36 am
some homemade food, and a nice wine, AND your warmth and friendship...I think these parties are a great way of them (the happy homeowner) welcoming you (her friends) into her new home.
It's all about home and friends - a new life and continued friendships; completely on the casual tip...blessing the new place with Aloha...
June 17th, 2009 at 4:15 am
It seems you decor-picky friend may be equally picky about her guests sitting (upholstery), standing (rugs), or touching (painted surfaces) anywhere. I hope it is fun, but it doesn't sound like it will be.
If that ceramic rooster is a beverage pitcher, you Portuguese have Hellenic ties.
Bring beverage coasters as a gift. Don't worry about style. Trust me, no one is ever going to be allowed to touch a glass, can, or bottle in that house without a coaster in the other hand.
June 17th, 2009 at 4:52 am
Hi Cat!
If the instructions are to bring food, that's a lot easier than trying to bring a piece of decor! I would bring a nice bottle of wine and/or a matching food item. For example, white crab poke with a reisling, or sushi and sauvignon blanc.
June 17th, 2009 at 5:24 am
you can always go 21st century and get a nice card with a gift card for home depot (or similar store...if you're on the mainland, bed bath and beyond). no problem with the old standby of bottle of wine and a potted plant (orchid?).
June 17th, 2009 at 5:26 am
Fly directly to Lisboa. Rent a car and drive to the Casa Da Calcada in Amarante.
(Follow the A1 until Oporto, taking then the bridge Ponte do Freixo and the VCI.
On the VCI, exit for the A3 towards Braga, then take the exit Vila Real (A4).
After the toll, take the exit Amarante Este (exit 17).
Turn right towards Amarante center, go down and at the roundabout , take the exit for Parque Florestal (3rd right).
Go down and forward, pass the roundabout direction of the old Amarante bridge. Before the bridge turn right to the wooden gate. You're there.
Find Bieito, the sommelier, and get him to fetch you a bottle of Calem Vinho do Porto from the cellar. Put a nice card with it.
Fly back to Honolulu and go to your housewarming, secure in the knowledge that in no way have you caused an awkward moment for your host by presenting a ceramic rooster.
June 17th, 2009 at 5:37 am
Bring food. If that's what she's telling you, then why worry? She just made your day easier and you don't have to think about what to get her.
June 17th, 2009 at 5:57 am
How well do you know this person who invited you to the housewarming? If you are an acquaintance, food and wine (if they drink) should be good.
If you are friends and want to give a gift, then by all means do it!
My philosophy on gift giving is that it should be something the recipient would like but also be a reflection of the gift giver.
By the way, food is always a good gift!
June 17th, 2009 at 6:08 am
Best housewarming gift I've ever seen: Costco size pack of Toilet Paper
It's a semi-gag gift, but also something EVERY house needs...
The only way it could fail is if your home owner is particularly OCD about the brand and type of toilet paper they use.
You could even wrap it up and look like you're the friend that bought the biggest gift!
June 17th, 2009 at 6:18 am
I always think a plant works and a favorite of mine is a pretty pot with some herbs-maybe basil or rosemary.
Did I read your story wrong? I thought it said the Chicago housewarming party you went to had particular hostess!
And by the way-I have a Portuguese rooster in my kitchen!
June 17th, 2009 at 6:23 am
CAT,
Yup, seems like every time it is Dr. Dish time, we end up in the "toilet"! But Matt the Cat is right, everybody needs the TP and it is a welcomed gift no matter what brand. Same as bringing a gift of disposable diapers to a baby shower!
I once gave my neighbor a house warming telescoping pole light bulb changer because they have cathedral ceiling and it is about 15 feet high with mini spot lights. They never realized how they were going to change the bulbs. While soaps and towels are nice, they realm more on personal choice and taste like underwear. Get something every household needs, like a maid or handyman! Actually, nothing like having a screwdriver (non-liquid kind), hammer, pliers, and some 3 in 1 oil around the house. Also having the name and number of a good plumber, handyman, electrician, and carpenter is just as valuable a gift.
A Costco size pack of CFL bulbs is also helpful. Man, have you seen the price of these babies! If all else fails, bring FUUD!
June 17th, 2009 at 6:35 am
Fire extinguisher is also a good one. I got one of those. Thankfully, I didn't have to use it.
June 17th, 2009 at 6:44 am
I have a friend who is super picky about her decor also -- so when she had her first party at her house, she was very clear that it was NOT a housewarming and she didn't want anything but our company.
For the record, she is an excellent hostess and wasn't freaking out about coasters etc, It's just that she doesn't want to deal with looking at something every day and mentally saying "ick." Anyone who's gotten a house-related gift that isn't their taste can relate. And the friend who gave it to you will always be looking for it when they come over, so you can't exchange it!
Just for a laugh, you should absolutely bring her a ceramic rooster -- just include the gift receipt so they can exchange it. It would be really funny if a bunch of you got her ceramic roosters. Be sure to have the camera ready to record the look on her face when the rooster is revealed!
If you feel the need to bring a hostess gift, a bottle of wine or her favourite liquor is always good.
June 17th, 2009 at 7:04 am
Oops, think i misread your post. The friend who was anti rooster was the friend in Chicago from ten years ago. So, she was the picky one. My bad, sorry. So your friend in Hawai'i is doing the 'local style' thing and you just bring yourself. And, you are doing the local style guest thing, being a good guest. So by all means take whatever seems right. I'd add flowers to the list, but they seem to be pretty expensive now. Food is always good. Wine is better. There was a pretty good wine store in Kaimuki, just off Waialae, but forgot the name. Actually speaking of Costco and Sam's they have pretty good wine. Another idea is to find a nice platter and got to a Chinese place and get it covered with noodles.
June 17th, 2009 at 7:51 am
So she instructed us to bring food, potluck-style....!
I THINK YOU SHOULD BRING FOOD SINCE SHE WANTED FOOD..what is she going to serve you..a blender?..My sister in law gave me a blender..I DON"T USE BLENDER ....I DON'T BAKE! DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT TO CLEAN A FREAKING BLENDER!
BRING DESSERT..salad
MAYBE
OR COOK CHICKEN ETC ETC.....BRING whatever you will eat...just in case you don't wantto eat someone elses food...omg funny.
June 17th, 2009 at 7:53 am
DRIVES ME CRAZY SOMEBODY BRINGS MORE JUNK FOR ME TO CLEAN ...yup!..I DON'T DRINK WINE so what do I do GET STUCK WITH WINE IN FRIDGE ..takign up space ...THEN SERVE THAT WHEN MY PARETNS COME..omg.
June 17th, 2009 at 7:55 am
BRINGS GRAPES OR FRUITS OF SOME KIND..slice that nicely..etc etc..YES IF I WA INVITED I WONT WORK TOO HARD COOKING ALL DAY! I GO SIT RELAX.
June 17th, 2009 at 7:57 am
Sounds like she's pretty clear about what she wants -- potluck food and your company! I wouldn't gift house stuff. If you really want to give something beyond the potluck, I'd offer a small house plant, a gift basket of easy-to-bake mixes or dips/salsas/toppers, a nice bag of coffee or tea, or a bottle of wine. These are things that she can enjoy and relax with after the hustle and bustle of the move-in is over.
Unless you are really close to the person and know exactly what they want, I don't think people give house stuff anymore. Nowadays, most people register for this stuff when they get married. But that's another topic...
June 17th, 2009 at 8:07 am
I don't see a problem with bringing food. Some wine would be nice too...I would suggest some Mogen David...it's sure to be a hit in more ways than one.
If you really want to bring a gift I would suggest one of those real colorful welcome mats you can buy at Macy's home furnishings. Brightly colored peppers and other stuff. Can use 'em by the front door, in the kitchen, and if they don't like it, it can always go on the backdoor steps.
June 17th, 2009 at 8:39 am
call her up and ask her ....tell her maybe you bring dessert...when my mom call me and say potluck...I BE SO FAST BRING SALAD..so I don't have to slave around..then if somebody is already bringing salad..I SCREAM OKAY I WILL BRING THE BREAD ...BUNS..omg funny huh..I am lazy..I do easy way out...then I ask what is her favorite wine then i bring that....my sister in law loves cooking so I know I am not going to do that.!
June 17th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Korean custom, bring laundry detergent. big bugga.
June 17th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Bring your pumpkin crunch, and a bottle of wine... something perhaps recommended by Melissa Chang? Just a thought...
June 17th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Catherine,
I would bring food and maybe a gift certificate to a store where he/she can purchase items for their home. Another thing ... how did you find your pet-friendly rental? I'm looking at moving into an apartment or affordable house with my boyfriend, but it seems like the only pet-friendly neighborhoods are far from "town" (e.g. Hawaii Kai, Mililani, Kunia, etc.). Thanks!
June 17th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Cat -
If you want to do something beyond bringing potluck food, there are a few things that might work:
- Flowers (I have yet to find a friend that HATES that)
- Wine
- A gift basket with maybe wine and a gift certificate
You get the general idea. I think at my friend's house warming party - we basically ended up filling her wine rack. =)
June 17th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Just bring the grinds to share as instructed. And I agree with Sleepless, flowers would be really nice!
June 17th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Cat...I've been reading your blogs for some time now; some are very interesting. But the main reason is because of the responses and comments that are written. Some are soooooo funny that I consider them therapeutic. Mahalo to all. Going to hit the surf now for more therapy.
June 17th, 2009 at 9:32 am
anything wrong with cash? i always like cash! heh
bring fuud/wine or beer and a card w/cash....or a gift card from like Home Depot or IKEA or sumptin.
June 17th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Um, it seems like there is some confusion as to whether or not the chicago housewarming was potluck as opposed to this one...
All are good suggestions, esp the bottle of wine/alcohol. Depending on how well you know this person, you could buy something more personal if you know what she needs and or would like (kitchen stuffs are easier than home furnishings because they are needs not wants, thus they might be less subject to the taste of the homeowner). And there's always gift certificates to williams sonoma type places.
I think its nice to give gifts that are things that the recipient likes but would not neccesarily buy for themselves.
June 17th, 2009 at 9:42 am
With housewarming gifts, my general rule is you never want to give someone something they will feel obligated to display whenever you come over. So something that can be used up is ideal.
June 17th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Well, since i just bought a place: don't buy anything for the house. Most people have houseware gifts boxed up in a closet that they will keep until they move and then regift. Just bring food or drinks.
If she's a good friend, go shopping with her or find out specifically what she wants that she hasn't had time to buy yet.
June 17th, 2009 at 9:52 am
yes if she is very specific type ..you need to ask her which type of laundry detergent she uses or what type of flower she likes ....or what type of food she wants to have....so this way no confusion.
June 17th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Laundry detergent?????
June 17th, 2009 at 10:47 am
If the house is cold bring one heater so they can warm it up
June 17th, 2009 at 10:56 am
WAFFLES!!! Hey, u suggested that to me first... LOL!
How about one of those sushi or fruit trays? That's a simple, yet popular item/dish. =)
June 17th, 2009 at 11:05 am
If I'm reading your blog right, the food request was by your friend in Chicago and you need to figure out what to bring for your current invite.
Well, how about flowers? Orchids in bloom make lovely gifts. Most folks already have toasters and blenders. Food is okay, but if it's not declared to be a pot luck, then there should already be a set menu, but bringing a dessert should be okay. Wine is hit or miss if you don't know if the person is a drinker. Gift spices or seasoned olive oil is nice, check out Ross for these at good prices.
June 17th, 2009 at 11:08 am
If she asked for food, bring food.
A small cash gift in a nice card would probably be appreciated too.
June 17th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Here a good idea: http://tinyurl.com/da6hwd
*after all, it's not for the home (it's for the yard). he, he
June 17th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
She did ask for food. Me? I'd bring something I'd enjoy. How about a case of Heineken and a poke or sushi platter. Keeping with her food wishes, you could add a super market gift card.
June 17th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
A pink flamingo to go next to the gnome....or a moose head if she's going for that ski lodge look......nothing says welcome home like a stuffed trout on the wall, either. You choose, Cat.
June 17th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
HI Cat's
What we usually take is some poke in the serving dish "Aloha Chill'R" this way you have food and a gift all in one
btw; you it doesn't have to be poke can be anything that needs to be chilled or what eva 
NKHEA....
June 17th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
If your friend requested no home related items, but food instead, I think that you should definitely go with the food. Or if you know what kind of wine/liquor your friend likes, that would be good, too. Wine and cheese with crackers/bread is always a winner!
Some of the recent housewarming gifts I've seen were... Wine, Wine glasses, bottle opener, bluray DVD player, cloth napkins, toilet paper, canned goods, vacuum cleaner.
June 17th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
NKHEA.....
June 17th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Having a housewarming myself in a few weeks and my roommates and I are hoping we get enough bottles of wine to last us a year.
June 17th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
hey cat,
If you need something quick but appealing, Costco! They have these trays of mini hors d'oeuvres that are good. I'd probably still bring a gift. Wine is good or maybe a spice rack since its a food housewarming.
June 17th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
geez, i'm confused already! 'kay, you're invited to the housewarming of a blog reader. no restrictions on what you can bring, right (no instructions to only bring food, etc.)?
my general understanding of housewarming parties is that the guests bring something to help make the house complete. however, if that's not the person's first place, they'd likely have the basics. if it is, the gift selection is a little more open. gift cards are great... but i always believe that a real gift is more personal (unless you have absolutely no idea what the person might like!).
small tool boxes with the basics (hammer, screwdriver, wrench) are great. a bunch of different kitchen gadgets with some kitchen towels. ice cream bowls and a cute scooper (who doesn't love ice cream?). coffee with coffee mugs, maybe in a nice basket with biscotti. wine with wine glasses. a bunch of fresh flowers in a beautiful vase. if they have a yard, garden gloves and tools with some seeds.
i'd still bring food, as well. we're in hawaii, afterall. don't we bring food to everything anyway?
June 17th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Yeah,that story was kinda confusing. The house-warming is here in Hawaii,not Chicago right? Long way to go for a party. Another idea for a gift--how about some "sham-wows". They'll probably be put to use before the party is over!
June 17th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
I love everyone's ideas! We moved in a year and a half ago and still haven't had our housewarming. Now I want to have one... not for the gifts, but just to have people over to enjoy our home before it gets too messy!
I like the idea of flowers- my girlfriends brought tulips over (along with a great Pier 1 gift card that we used for special things for our home) when they came over for dinner one night. My girlfriend arranged the tulips beautifully in a round glass vase with a ti leaf inside the vase. Simple and gorgeous!
I've also brought coffee table books to housewarmings before. My friend who loves to surf, for instance, got a large book filled with amazing surfing and wave photographs.
I've also done the "Rachael Ray" thing and brought a basket with a favorite cookbook (go with whatever your host's preferences and cooking abilities are) and taken a recipe from the book and included the ingredients for it in the basket.
Oh! My new favorite idea- an herb garden! Head over to Home Depot- they have a great gardening section- and pick up a planter. Transfer your favorite herbs into it. OR if your friend moved into a home with a garden, just give her the plants straight from the plastic pots it comes in. It's the gift that keeps on growing! I currently have an herb garden from my mom with oregano, tarragon, parsley, basil, dill, fennel, sage, mint... and it's great!
June 17th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
@ theDman...
joekalihi suggested to bring laundry detergent...but as for me I am very specific which laundry detergent I buy..I like detergent that is for sensitive ...I use sunlight liquid for sensitive skin.
June 17th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
if i was to be specific the type of flower I would pick would be unscented lillies .....I am very specific.
June 17th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
OH HOW ABOUT SUSHI PLATE...
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/35/121176710_58e26ac290.jpg
June 17th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Cat:
Sounds like she's making it easy for you by asking to bring food. It's been a long time since I've been to a housewarming but I think the last time I went to one, I took a bottle of wine.
June 17th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Sorry for the confusion. The housewarming party I was recently invited to was NOT the one hosted by my friend who requested food. I was asking more in the general sense. If you were invited to a housewarming party — and food was not an option — what would you bring?
Sorry. Maybe I wasn't clear. It's been a long week — despite it being only Wednesday!
June 17th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
Partied too late last night?
Thanks for coming out!
June 18th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Depends on the friend, but does a bottle of wine count as food?
If not... what about flowers? I have access to a glass kiln and might make something.
June 18th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Just bring food like the host requested. Why do most women overthink a simple request and overburden their lives. If the host was a guy and he told his guy friends to not bring gifts but just alcohol and snacks, do you think a guy would think about towels, kitchen stuff, toilet paper, detergent, or even wine? Guys would just confirm that they don't have to bring their wives and girlfriends because that would only complicate the social gathering.
June 18th, 2009 at 11:43 am
oh I see a general sense of being invited to house warming..well imagine you get invited the guys house is full of junk...yup..you turn the other way eat the food you bring back home..omg....!