Dating: older vs. younger
By Cat
Being single at 34 hasn't been easy.
And the Old Guys haven't helped.
They would tease me incessantly about my age, that not only was I not a spring chicken, I might not be a summer one, either.
Sure, age is relative. And yes, the dating game — thanks to cougars like Demi Moore and Halle Berry — has changed.
Still, as secure as I may be in who I am, I felt a little insecure about my age — and having to compete with 24-year-olds with better metabolism.
I'd like to think that older women — meaning, anyone over 30 — have a lot to offer. We tend to have a clearer perspective on life, we know what we want, we can't be bothered with trivial drama, we're tired of games (though we're tired in general), we're ready to settle down, we're secure in our careers or life direction, and we can afford our own dinner, thank you very much.
Then I read a column in yesterday's Ask Men that made me wonder if guys really believe that, too.
The columnist, Ryan McKee, (who's likely 10 years old) compared older and younger women based on six criteria: body, sex, income, relationship baggage, discovery factor and power balance. The result? In his own words:
Sorry older women. You’ve come very far in the last 10 years, but younger women are still beating you right now. Be happy you’ve made such strides, and in another 10 years it may be even closer yet. Guys, don’t count the older women out. They can obviously teach you some important things — just don’t come whining to us when they boss you around.
(Good thing I found someone who's exactly my age.)
What do you think?
***
Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish, send her an e-mail at cat@thecatdish.com, and now watch her every Thursday at 6:45 a.m. on KHNL News 8.
The Daily Dish
September 29th, 2009 at 1:27 am
Hi Cat! i respectively disagree---age is not relevant. Age is but a number.Its whats inside(the heart) that matters.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:36 am
oops. i think i misread that.U said relative not relevant. my bad. Speaking of confusion....at the top u say "being single at 34 hasnt been easy"..... Then at the bottom u write "good thing i found someone who's exactly my age." So does that mean you are no longer single? OR, you are no longer 34?
September 29th, 2009 at 1:48 am
AND, if i may say....being a reader of this blog for awhile now, i firmly believe your metabolism is second to none.You have nothing to worry about there. Those 24 year olds wish they could enjoy basket after basket of fries with a chocolate cake chaser like The Daily Disher can. Aloha.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:52 am
I read the column and I was unimpressed, Ryan McKee is clearly not the sharpest pencil in the box. It reads like a 'fluff' piece.
My wife was older than I. Okay, not that much but a little. But, what matters is: 1) what's in the heart (old shoes is right), 2) compatibility -- not just liking similar things, it also includes the ability to see the other person's point of view and so on, 3) attraction -- there has to be some mutual attraction there, 4) honesty -- you need to be honest with each other, that does not mean that you have to tell every secret, but you need a high level of trust and 5) a shared sense of humor, you need to able to laugh at the same things -- or at least understand why the other person is laughing, 6) commitment, the other person's happiness has to be as important as your own ... So, how does age fit into this? Not sure it does.
September 29th, 2009 at 2:45 am
I find it odd you 'found someone exactly your age' yet you are still insecure about your age. It makes this haole boy think perhaps there was someone out there younger you were really crushing on but age might have gotten in the way. Or perhaps someone older thought you were the, pardon the expression, cat's meow and you thought they were 'too old.' You've written about blood types, astrology, and now age... makes this loyal, faithful, kind, and compassionate reader think you are one complicated kitty indeed
OK, you brought it up and I know there are at least a dozen other people afraid to ask.... who is the exactly the right age surfer dude anyway?
September 29th, 2009 at 3:21 am
Sometjong bothered me and I came back to this blog.
"And the Old Guys haven't helped."
I am sorry to hear that. I had kind of visualized them as supportive. Their kidding may be good natured, but it bothers you. Wonder why they don't see that and stop? Are they a little dense? Or do they just not see that they should stop? You know it is okay for you to say, "Enough old guys, enough of this teasing, it is like you getting old already!" Well, maybe that is too harsh, but you should say something even if it is "Can we stop with this subject already?"
September 29th, 2009 at 5:05 am
Dating at any age isn't easy, or at least isn't easy to do well. However, all skills improve with practice and use, and just think how much better one is at spotting deception at 34 vs. 24. Like many things, luck and hard work are a great combination, and we need at least a bit of both to succeed.
September 29th, 2009 at 5:30 am
Re Ryan's bias: the gays like 'em younger. I thought you knew that.
September 29th, 2009 at 5:33 am
Back when I was back in the dating scene at the age of 42, I had chances to date girls in their mid to late 20's but couldn't really relate to them. I dated ladies more "age appropriate" and ended up marrying the girl of my dreams.
The younger girls are a lot of fun but the "older" woman is like fine wine.
Cat, you are not in that "young girl" stage but for sure you're not in the "older" woman stage either. Ladies in their 30's are the perfect age for dating. They're usually set in their career, have been through the up's and down's of life and they know what they want. That's been my observation anyway.
September 29th, 2009 at 6:49 am
The real question to you, Cat, is would you date an older man? This would put you in the "younger woman" category.
I thought I heard it here that the rule of thumb for men was "half plus seven"? If you reverse that for women and go "minus seven times two", then the oldest man you can date is.... .... 54! That would definitely put you in the younger woman category! Almost trophy wife status (if you didn't have a job or brain).
Why can't we just date people our own age? Is the pool that small?
September 29th, 2009 at 6:50 am
well,im out of this loop. a woman who turns my head has got to be on the far side of 50 ~ in other words, a 'younger' woman.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:11 am
My husband is almost 5 years younger than me. We were dating for a while before we even found out each others ages. It did not matter. We enjoyed being together, had a lot in common and laughed. Cat, I did not get married until I was 43. It just took me a while to find the right guy. I believe you will find someone sooner that that. You get out, do things and meet people. Keep the faith and don't give up!
September 29th, 2009 at 7:14 am
I think it has more to do with common values and interest and being comfortable around the other person than age.
I don't think you have to worry. You look good and 34 is still young.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:15 am
blah! who cares. you're never going to be young again and it's all in your soul anyway. the connection will be made and age will be sooooo irrelevant.
but don't listen to me i'm seeing someone like 11 years younger right now
September 29th, 2009 at 7:29 am
Cat,
i'm not one of YOUR old guys, but as AN old guy (in my fifties), here's a bit of advice if age is ever a concern with a potential guy of interest, remember the following:
if it's his concern, he's chasing an image (i.e.: not a catch, throw back)
if it's your concern, why should it be? in your 30's, isn't your self-
confidence grounded enough, so that it shouldn't matter.
Over the years, i found greater satisfaction when i stop dating a "look" or "demographic" and started to date the one who made me laugh, learn & appreciate the best of each other (btw, i would up marrying this lady!)
September 29th, 2009 at 7:40 am
YES no matter how old or young you better check his wallet...omg...! I think no matter hwat age you make sure you are both compatible...don't get a dud of a guy!
September 29th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Good morning Cat!
You are still young, don't believe what your old fut friends are telling you.
Age doesn't matter in a relationship. It's how you feel inside. I'm 13 years older than my wife.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:56 am
@Diane Ako
uh Diane, did you really mean "gays" or "guys"?
I mean, either one will work, just wondering what you, or who you were referring to.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Well, I think it's unfortunate for wahines that men tend to consider physical attraction to be very important, no matter what we will say in public. Like I used to joke about with my friends...I may get older, but the girls will always be 24. Of course, one of the many reasons why I married my wife is because she pushes me to become a better person, but I initially noticed her because of her looks.
Once girls accept that reality, the sooner they can focus on being the type of person that will attract and hold someone after that initial attraction. Like the saying goes...instead of spending all your time trying to find the right person, spend that time trying to become the right person. Then one day the right person will find YOU.
September 29th, 2009 at 8:09 am
Cat,
First of all, when you get to my age, you CANNOT be picky!
Second, I don't know what type of "older" guys would tease you about your age, and you being of the hill (see point #1).
Now, if you are looking at 24 year olds as the playing field, well yes, their eyes normally focus on young "babes". I recall a few years ago hearing a conversation among some young guys and what they were looking for in ladies, and I admit I was shocked. Not per what they were looking for, that was natural, but rather how these guys saw themselves. You would think they were God's gift to womankind. They were nothing, nobodys, zeroes, in terms of looks or anything else. Who were they kidding? Maybe they had nice cars, but that would have been it.
The nice guys are out there Cat, but stay away from the bar scene. That's not a good way to meet prospectives.
September 29th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Congrats, Cat!
I like the way that you sneak in there that you found someone.
I wouldn't worry about age, that limits the pool too much.
September 29th, 2009 at 8:52 am
You should always go younger because younger is hotter!!! What's the use of putting up with all the stuff-rap if you can't look at the junk and say oh yeah i'm getting that.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:18 am
It's all in your mind on how you feel. You can still be hot if you take care of yourself. Take a look at the women in Asia. They still look like they are in their 20's even when they are in their 40's.Genetics is only part of it. What you put in is what you get out. So don't expect to look hot if you keep putting junk in your body like a lot of Americans do. I see people that look horrible and out of shape and they are in their early 20's. what a waste. Take care of your body and it will take care of you. You can change your life.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:57 am
I think an age difference has a reasonable value. (Roman Polanski might disagree.) While much depends on maturity, there is a certain amount of maturity that can only be gained by time and experience.
I used to think that wisdom followed age. Sadly, sometimes age comes alone.
September 29th, 2009 at 10:01 am
I always wonder if a lot of older non-married/non-dating women regret how picky they were when they were younger.
September 29th, 2009 at 11:00 am
First things first, Ask Men is geared toward 28- to 32-year-old men who don't know any better. So don't consider that.
The most important thing in any relationship is compatibility. Do your priorities and your potential partner's priorities mesh? Do you want the same things in life and do you enjoy each other?
I dated a woman 11 years older than me and one 16 years younger than me, as well as those close to my age. What it all boiled down to was compatibility. In all the instances we liked each other and enjoyed each other and were for the most part meshed well. They didn't last because ultimately our goals weren't the same for our current stages in life.
If you find the right person and want the same end results, who cares what age you are?
September 29th, 2009 at 11:05 am
harmony.com
September 29th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Age is just a number. You can't take the Old Guys and Ryan McKee seriously. Guys are just like that. We're either joking around or full of rubbish.
September 29th, 2009 at 11:24 am
This whole cougar thing got started last week by AC. I think she's doing research for something or other.
As a thirty-something you do not qualify as a cougar; more like a cougarette. You've got to be 40 to be a real cougar. So that means that by the time AC has paid off the loan on her new car, you'll be a big CAT, or Cougar.
I noticed you dropped a line at the end there indicating that you have a same age 'someone'. I assume it's a guy. I assume he surfs, cause where else can you be located. I follow your blog and twitter stuff and I don't recall mention of this 'someone' before. Maybe I was not paying attention, but I was the first one to notice the extended absence of a previous 'someone' and called you on it: to wit:
"Yes, I'm single again", said Toth. "I'm not ready to talk about it yet." Ms Toth's office could not be reached for further comment.
The new guy better treat you right or he might have to answer to your aging entourage, the Viagra Vaqueros, with whom you surf at sunrise.
As for older vs younger. Men have been doing it for years. Why should women be denied the opportunity to make fools of themselves?
September 29th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Age is of no consequence. You can have fun dating as long as you are compatible, feel comfortable and enjoy each others company.
Older people like mixing with younger people. It makes them feel young again and with it, whatever, "it is with the younger generation whether it is music, electronic gadgets, etc.". And younger people are more attractive to the older ones just because they are young.
I don't know how younger people feel mixing with older people, maybe they feel more mature and like to listen to the older ones life experiences or maybe the older ones reach for the wallets more freely. For whatever reasons, some younger people are attracted to the older ones.
September 29th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
You know I've been noticing a trend lately. Younger girls married to much older guys (da kind can be faddah). As for me I could never! that would just remind me of him being same age as my dad! That's goes for women too with younger guys!
But yes age is nothing but a number. Look at that teacher and that samoan kid. Last news I heard about those two that they got married.
September 29th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Grats Cat!!!
Don't feel bad though. Us older guys have to compete with the younger guys now for women our age. Darn cougars (and I don't mean Kaiser High School)! Haha! Its all Ashton Kutcher's fault! 
September 29th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
"Yes, I'm single again", said Toth. "I'm not ready to talk about it yet." Ms Toth's office could not be reached for further comment.
@turkfontaine You are too much!
September 29th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I've always believed in the Chinese half your age plus seven years thing.
When I was young, I dated younger and older. Now I'm middle age, I like a little less than my age at least. But I'm not ruling anybody out. You can't rule anybody out when you're middle age. It's almost take whoever can stand you the most.
Problem is a lot of younger ladies still want babies. The Mist don't want no babies with his DNA on them. No Mist in the delivery room, please. Too old for that.
So, if they be younger, and have kids already, that's cool too.
Cat, not sure why you spill your personal life out onto these Web pages. Man, that has to add to the stress of living. Everybody all up in your business.
Privacy is a beautiful thing.
Peace out.
September 29th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
ok, so now that the cat is out of the bag so to speak...who is this "someone" that you have "found"
September 29th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
ok so now that you have a "someone" can we go back to the counter again to celebrate? i'm hungry for the fries....
September 29th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
I got an idea go pick yourself a younger stud so he can push your wheel chair around when you are in old folks home!
September 29th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
yes if you pick a older guy then you can push his wheel chair around....!
September 29th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
conclusion make sure you pick the healthy guy ....!
September 29th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
conclusion make sure you pick the healthy guy ....!
Sorry... forgot to say great post - can't wait to read your next one!
September 29th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Cat- it doesn't matter, age wise but it has everything to do with maturity... you have to be comfortable with the person, can't force anything... glad you found someone, as you deserve only the best!
NEO
September 29th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Even when I was a pup, I was never into younger girls. I dated an older women in college and she ruined me for younger girls, LOL! Smart, confident, sophisticated, play no games, assertive, sexy... Mentally matured women vs younger girls...? It's not a fair fight. The older of the fairer sex win every time!
Even today I have no fascination with youth as an attribute I look for in a woman. The 80/20 rule applies for attractiveness: it's 80% mental, 20% physical/looks.
As for your status, I doubt you'll be single for long... (hehe)
September 30th, 2009 at 12:21 am
I thought a cougar was a cat. Oh wait you are Cat.
September 30th, 2009 at 1:17 am
There actually is a rule. The rule is.......THERE ARE NO RULES.
September 30th, 2009 at 1:35 am
i agree. it does seem odd that the old guys would tease u incessantly about,of all things, your age. I dont get it. It would be more appropriate,i think,to cheer u on -for u have your freedom.No mid-life crisis,no 7 year itch,ect. just pure freedom.Freedom is highly coveted at any age.That certainly deserves applause,not teasing.Just think, u can do anything u want right now with your freedom. Like Head east and audition for the Eating Network...er, Food Channel. Climb a large mountain in search of a really old guy who has the answer to the secret of life question. Try out for American Idol. Or surf every day and walk your dog. Freedom baby,its to be cheered and cherished. Congratulations.
September 30th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Ahhhhhhh, crap.
I guess I'm out.
But I'm damn handsome.
And my mom said so.
October 1st, 2009 at 10:14 pm
As a 36 year old single mom, I tend to date someone who is older than me (5 years older at the most). Someone younger than me (5 years or more) may be in a different place in his life. He certainly may not be mature enough to date a woman with a child. I've reached a point in my life where I do not have time or patience for silly relationship games. I've grown tired of the bs and/or drama. My hope is to find someone who is looking for someone like me. Still keeping my fingers crossed that he's out there.
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