ASK DR. DISH: Hostess gift
November 25th, 2009 by CatQuestion: I am going to my boyfriend's parents' house for Thanksgiving and his mom told me not to bring anything. But I should, right? At least something for the parents for inviting me?
Answer: Yes. It's not just local custom to bring something over to the house that you will be visiting, but it's just common courtesy, at least in my book.
The first thing I'd do is ask his parents if there's something they need you to bring for the meal, such as a side dish or a bag of butter rolls. Whatever you can do to contribute to the dinner would likely be helpful — and the easiest. (They'll likely say they've got everything under control; ignore at all costs.)
If you can't convince his parents to bring something supplemental to the meal, then you've got to get creative. Dessert is always good; just avoid anything pumpkin-related, as they'll likely have that covered. Ask your boyfriend if the family likes wine or beer; that's always good (and easy) to bring over. Or maybe there's something special his parents like, such as a particular kind of strawberry preserve or chocolate candy. (Coffee is a good option, too, if they drink.) This is where you need to enlist the help of your boyfriend.
Any other suggestions?
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Tags: advice, Ask Dr. Dish, etiquette, gift, hawaii, holiday, relationship, Thanksgiving, toth
November 25th, 2009 at 5:10 am
I never refuse Poke
November 25th, 2009 at 5:11 am
My wife brings small Kitchen Towels.
November 25th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Bring an indian, preferably an Algonquin.
November 25th, 2009 at 6:26 am
If you are a well endowed female, bring a cornucopia of cleavege. I'm sorry, but I heard that phrase once in my life, and I've always wanted to use it in conversation. This is the best opportunity I have come across.
November 25th, 2009 at 6:35 am
Turk, you crack me up brah!
Scott, I agree, the over-abundance of cleavage is always a welcome surprise! Hah!
The wine gift is a good idea if they're drinkers. Or maybe a nice bouquet of fresh cut flowers, like red ginger with heliconia and anthuriums, a few palm leaves. Just a thought.
November 25th, 2009 at 7:15 am
Good morning Dr. Cat!
I agree with you, we always bring something when we are invited over for dinner. Most of the times we bring a dessert.
November 25th, 2009 at 7:50 am
if mom said not to bring don't defy her ...where on earth she will put extrea dessert if she has her own plan...go to her house and just let the mom do her own thing...what if they don't like dessert or wine! bring fruit platter then already made nicely package out of her way in her table...maybe her table is only design tiny so..if she say no don't bring anything!
November 25th, 2009 at 7:52 am
DON"T BRING A THING ....older people know what they want...bring your pleasnt smile and leave the mom alone to do the planning.
November 25th, 2009 at 7:53 am
yes whatever you don't bring coughing bad cold..omg!
November 25th, 2009 at 7:54 am
yes I think the best thing you can bring is yourself!
November 25th, 2009 at 7:57 am
yes it drives me crazy when somebody always has to bring stuff and I have to look for my plates and freaking vase for stinbky flowers (SOMEBOPDY ALWASY HAS TO BRIGN THAE FLOWER ...so I prefer don't bring a thing!OR THEY BRIGN BIGGEST UGLY plate to my table and it doesn't macth the white plate in my tiny table....DRIVES ME CRAZY! I don't drink wine so I be looking for cork sctrew I WANT TO poke them with the screw!
November 25th, 2009 at 7:58 am
turk & Scott crack me up! An Algonquin with a full cornucopia would make every day Thanksgiving for me!
Good idea about asking if you can bring something specific (like butter rolls from Kam Bakery--holy cow those are great).
As the new g.f., even if they relent on the a food item, bring something else too! That's where coffee, flowers (already in a vase so the hostess doesn't have to scrounge around), or a favorite chocolate come into play. After the craziness of the huge meal is over, they will have another reason to think fondly of you!
November 25th, 2009 at 8:00 am
or they come thingking that they help me cut my turkey with there bare hands SO I CRINGE ...so I say keep out of my way ..just bring nothing and stay away !
November 25th, 2009 at 8:03 am
The only thing not to bring is a carload of guests of your own. Nothing puts an odd twist on a Holiday with the bf's family like having your cousins show up with you along with the 4 unrelated children that your cousins are babysitting for. One of my wife's siblings is known for showing up not only with their own four kids, but also with at least a half dozen people we have never heard of who are of unknown relation or acquaintance.
November 25th, 2009 at 8:19 am
if they bring flower I like those big orange lilly..pretty to match fall color.
November 25th, 2009 at 8:21 am
that is why I have party with just the four of us nobody drives me crazy and my son's girlfriend knows what I like and don't like..she keeps her distance and we get along.okay don't tell my mom I celebrate two thanksgiving my house then off to her house....I DON"T INVITE ANYBODY!
November 25th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Cat,
Your advice is spot on. Flowers, See's Candy, desserts from J.J.'s, wine, the list goes on. Personally, I like wine. Despite what some say, if you don't like the particular vintage you can always cook with it. An after dindin port is always nice too.
November 25th, 2009 at 8:44 am
Clearly, don't bring Rosette. Cause she'll dominate the conversation!
November 25th, 2009 at 8:44 am
don't bring food. some moms are purists/traditional/particular. i think the beer/wine or coffee were good ideas. but my fav idea is FLOWERS. but bring an arrangement. hopefully she's not allergic. but as everyone says, check with bf. if he doesn't know, leave him immediately as it is an indication of his thoughtfulness toward the women that are supposedly the most important in his life. but that's another topic for another day.
November 25th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Oh, and I do like the cleavage idea. Good one boys. And if they come with the headlights on, looking like she's cold with them crab eyes sticking out, even better.
November 25th, 2009 at 9:35 am
show up with a basketball under your shirt and a cigarette in your mouth and let the party begin!!!!!!!
November 25th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Just bring your appetite.
November 25th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Scott: I'm glad my blog gave you the opportunity to use that phrase. I almost spit out my Diet Coke!
Integrity: You know, I never thought about flowers. (And I used to work at a florist!) I wonder, do people still like getting bouquets and arrangements??? I haven't gotten any in so long, I have no idea anymore!
November 25th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Hey Cat,
Geez if you call your life uneventful, I would hate to see how you life would be if it was eventful. You do a whole lot of stuff! Where do you find the time and energy to do all of that? Makes my life look like I am sandbagging and lazy or something. If you have a secret supplement or energy boost thing that you take that gives you that much energy, let me know where I can buy it.
November 25th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Creative: I don't feel like my life is that eventful. I mean, I think I spend most of my time with my dog. That can't be good!
November 25th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
mmmmm... cleavage....
November 25th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
bring a potted Jerusalem Tulip bulb , in a nice decorative pot.
November 25th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
I prefer a large cameltoe or a trunk full of junk. But I feel that if you ask and they say they don't need anything then no need bring nothing. What you should do if you're a chick is help to clean up and wash dishes. If you're a dude then bring beers and get sloshed with the guys.
November 25th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Cat,
You found love with Sunny and there is little overhead.
November 25th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I was raised to always bring something when I am invited to someone's home for a meal or just to go over and hang out. Not sure if this is a "local" custom or rather the way a person was raised. I know a few "locals" that go to people's house empty handed even when it's a potluck.
I normally ask the host what he/she needs and if they insist that I not bring anything I would bring something for the host. I've brought gift cards for various places depending on where they live and their likes. This seemed to be a welcome gesture by the host(s).
November 25th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
frankly I don't like talking I go in my corner and every body yapping..my dad will be lookign where is she..I avoid everybody!
November 25th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
HINT I AVOID EVERYBODY I AM HAPPY IF THEY DON'T INVITE ME....!
November 25th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I BRING MY APPETITE AND ZIPLOC.....THEN RUN HOME SO FAST!
November 25th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
yes don't offer to clean just slip slowly home..home !
November 25th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
yes I hinted to everybody JUST LEAVE ME ALONE I WILL EAT PEACEFULLY ALL BY MYSELF during thanksgiving....all I get going to dinner somebody dog choking with the turkey bone because some idiot let the baby hold a turkey neck then the dog stole it and choke to death..I SOONER BE LEFT ALONE in my peaceful corner during CHristmas and Thanksgiving...after years being around people I need my peace alone .!
November 25th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
I say if you don't know if they'll like the dessert/side dish that you bring, then don't bring it. I've had many meals where the hosts and guests pretended to like the dip/veggie platters/sushi/coconutpie/shortbread cookies that someone brought. It always made me uncomfortable when someone would bring something to a potluck and no one touched it or went back for seconds. Not everyone sucks it up and just pretends to eat it just to make the person feel better. I always would feel sorry at get togethers when someone's pie would be sitting there lonely, barely touched, when all of my mom's lilikoi bars were gone in an instant.
Sure, I can say that it's the thought that counts and the family will appreciate your kindness. No doubt I think that it is a MUST to bring something. But, if you don't know what they're allergic to, don't know if they eat vegetables, don't know if they're non-alcoholics or non-seafood eaters, don't have a reliable source of information, or don't know if they'll have eleven other dishes similar to yours, then I'd go with something non-perishable and homey. I liked the dishcloth idea from above. Flowers are great, too. What about a poinsettia plant? Or a holiday wreath? Or chocolate or sweets that don't have to be opened during the meal. Something for them for later, something that won't compete with the dinner or dessert.
November 25th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
yes I have my own house but I get pestered to go to somebodys house..this time I scream at everybody HINT I WANT TO BE HOME FOR A CHANGE alone enjoying quiet especially now that my boys are older I just want peace..somebody always has to have pool then I have to bring clothes for my boys then I have to wash the darn thing then next they have to have hot tub full of chemiclas then my son will coughing trying to get my son well ! so yes... !
November 25th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
don't bring poinsettia if they have cat the cat might eat that ..oh dead cat!
November 25th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
You can bring a cd of the song Cherokee People, Cherokee Tribe by Paul Revere and the Raiders, and lecture your family on the injustice of Thanksgiving, while downing your 12th beer and making your mother cry and father's blood pressure explode.
I have fond memories of "that side" of my family when I was a youth at holiday time.
November 25th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Take booze and make Hello Kitty shots.
November 25th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
certain group of tribe they attack other tribe they do each other injustice too... so add another tribe with gun lets see who wins
November 25th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
if you are a smart tribe you run the other way if you see the guy with gun..then invent your cannon.!
November 25th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
well in the end they get along so we have turkey
November 25th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
some tribes are notorious....
November 25th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Please Rosette, educate me more on Native American history. I am sitting around my campfire, sharpening my arrowhead and awaiting your further education, as the smoke from the fire summons my ancestors and the owl speaks to my kin.
November 25th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
that Paul Revere and The Raiders song is called "Indian Reservation"
November 25th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
YES the word is history.....end of story ..everybody lives happily ever after.....
November 25th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
yea, one could find a tape of that old commercial with the Indian crying and play that. or find that ol' wooden Indian Kramer was lugging around and bring that. Have The Washington Redskins ever played a football game on Thanksgiving?
November 25th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
yes I can tell you story of the tribe that will poke a hole into your head and hang that if you are the enemy.....! yes my dad told me tribe will often fight they fight constant they don't fight with guns but wow those arrow hurt more if you get that stuck to your foot ...so I said then I say if you lose run up north to CANADA to freeze ! I argue with my dad....I drive him crazy....
November 25th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
yes so every tribe moves to different part if you cross a wrong tribe on your way to river..oh dear you better do the marathon run those arrow imagine stuck to your leg with a gun you can limp around but with big arrow oh dear...ARGHHHHH......
November 25th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
i'm quite shocked and dismayed that Cat hasnt received any flowers or floral arrangements in such a long time.Hello? I think thats terrible and sad. Sad enough to cast a shadow on this Holiday season. hmmmm.
November 25th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
okay okay I must have been sleeping durign history..all I can imagine is arrow wheezing over my head! so I sooner befriend the guy with gun
November 25th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
okay SCott you tell me the story ......all I cna say is the guy with gun I be like okay just shoot me already then he miss ... but those arrows if you get a bit of that stcuk on you you can't run..ouch ouch ouch..which way to go arrow or bullit!
November 25th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
so can I make you cry with my story?
November 25th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
how big is your arrowhead.....dang you better not drop that on your toes! what kind of smoke...you found the weed....hello I will send you DO NOT SMOKE SIGN whilemaking your arrowhead yes.... being high will cause you to drop that on your foot ....yes
November 25th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
new hobby for you SCOTT IS NAP forget your arrowhead gun is now invented !!!
November 25th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
I don't know which tribe would be harder to do THE NORTH TRIBE or the SOUTH..in the North you freeze and the bears are after you..in the SOuth warm weather but SNAKES COUGAR and alligator ..oh dear... well good thing the tribe I am in shoots those if they are close to city ! imagine if you are still chasing after the animal with arrow..omg!
November 25th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Thankyou all. I had a really good laugh.
November 25th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
talk is cheap.do some real good and go to an Indian Casino and play the one-armed bandits. They weeeze real good kine.
November 25th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
herstory..not history..why should be called his story!
November 25th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
next time scott put a movie that shows a white guy rescuing a tribe guy who got a arrow stuck to his foot and the white guy sent the tribe guy to hospital via helicopter..yes your mom will cry with that!
November 25th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
there was a show like that--F-Troop meets the 3 stooges
November 26th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Rosette FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT THE F#@!* UP!!!!!!!
November 26th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
jhmcn:FOR THELOVE OF SH&&&&T YOU STOP READING MY ANSWER and get a real life.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
MY ANSWER IS FOR SCOTT ONLY NOT YOU jhmcn: so keep your comments to yourself!
November 26th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
scott you can bring your arrow head as gift.... !
November 26th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I wonder if that lady brought anything to her boyfriends house!