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ASK DR. DISH: Regifting OK?

December 23rd, 2009
By Cat

Question: Maybe you have answered this question before, but what's the deal with regifting? Is it OK or tacky?

Answer: Ah, regifting. I was wondering when this question would make it into my inbox!

'Tis the season for this oft-debated tradition. Regifting — coined by comedian Jerry Seinfeld, incidentally — means "to give an unwanted gift to someone else, to give as a gift something one previously received as a gift," according to Webster's New Millennium Dictionary of English, Preview Edition. (Yes, it's in the dictionary!)

A recent Consumer Reports survey shows that 36 percent of people — meaning, just about 1 in 3 — are planning to regift this year, up from 31 percent a year ago when the economy was better. Or when regifting wasn't as acceptable as it is now. (Read more in a recent blog on Time.com.)

And according to a poll in Cosmopolitan, 67 percent of readers admitted to regifting, but only 6 percent were caught. (Read stories about regifting nightmares here.)

So it seems like regifting is more common than we think — and likely more acceptable.

But there are rules.

Here are 12 guidelines from MSN Money by MP Dunleavey:

Don't mention it, please. Post thinks "the best approach is to be upfront" when regifting, but I have to ask: Why spoil the moment? If you tell your sister-in-law, in so many words, "I have no use for this nasty vase, so I'm giving it to you," even a person in need of a vase will hate you. I say, keep your yap shut unless there's a good reason not to.

Do update the wrapping. The next most common regifting faux pas, after leaving the previous gift card attached, is to regift in the original, now crinkled and possibly torn (hello!?) wrapping paper or box. If the phrase "Hey, it looks almost new" crosses your desperate holiday brain, remember that the "almost" is a dead giveaway to the new giftee.

Don't give hand-me-downs as regifts. Novice regifters (and those who are terminally tacky) often get these two categories confused. Don't. A hand-me-down is an item you've already used that you'd like to pass along to someone who will enjoy it and use it more than you will. For example, a sweater you've removed the tags from and worn twice. You could wrap it up and give it as a "gift" only if another real gift is provided. A regift should be just that: a gift you've never used that you're giving away as though it were a . . . real gift!

Do keep track of who gave it to you first. Writing on The Dollar Stretcher, Joyce Moseley Pierce recommends creating a stash of regifting items you can always use in a pinch. I say, OK, but keep a small notebook of who gave you what. I had a harrowing experience that involved regifting a pair of earrings to a cousin -- who had given them to me two years before. I forgot. She remembered. And she let me know about it.

Don't EVER regift these items. Certain items are a total, dead, instant giveaway that you not only are regifting, but you're also too lame to put any effort into it: candles, soap, random books, mysterious CDs (unless your brother wants the hip-hop version of "Man of La Mancha"), obscure software, cheesy jewelry, scarves (do we not all own a scarf?), fruitcake, pens, cologne, boxed sets of extinct bath products (Jean Naté? No, no, no), videos or DVDs obviously acquired on a street corner, socks and any appliances or electronic gear the giftee would be puzzled to receive because they probably just got rid of it (including hot-air popcorn poppers and anything with a cassette deck in it).

Do have the courtesy to clean your regifts. I once got a rice cooker . . . with a couple of kernels of rice still clinging to it. Some hand-me-downs can be passed off as regifts if the packaging is intact, like the wine glasses you've belatedly decided to share with a loved one. Just wash the lipstick off the rim, 'kay?

Don't give partially used gift cards. As technology pushes the envelope of regifting possibilities, the chance of looking like a ninny only grows. Don't give a $25 gift card to Barnes & Noble that has $14.56 left on it. Would you give a pie with a slice taken out of it? We hope not.

Do remember that regifts can be funny. A friend of mine said that when he was younger, he and his sister would jokingly regift the same two board games back and forth to each other. If you think a friend would get a good laugh out of, say, a regifted self-help book, go for it -- as long as you make the prank clear.

Don't give something you've owned for a while. Not only is this in violation of the hand-me-down rule above, the giftee can and will recognize that picture frame from your living room shelf. (And while you're at it, don't regift picture frames, either.)

Do regift champagne. You know the joke about fruitcake: There are only two fruitcakes made each year, and we just keep foisting them off on each other. The same is true of the 11 bottles of champagne that circulate during the holidays. But there are never hard feelings from regifting a bottle of bubbly, unless it's really cheap or given to a confirmed teetotaler. Eventually it will find a happy, champagne-guzzling home.

Don't give products from defunct companies. Someone gave to my husband and me a lovely crystal decanter from a department store that no longer exists. The decanter is a classic. It was just a little depressing to think it had been in someone's closet for that long.

Do sell your gifts on eBay. When someone first told me that, rather than regift, he sells unwanted presents on eBay and uses the proceeds to buy real gifts, I was awed. Then I realized everyone is doing it. "My father gave my brother a boxed set of Kurosawa films, which my brother promptly sold for a pretty penny on eBay," one woman told me. So THAT'S where all that stuff comes from.

Got anything else to add?

***

SHOPPING DAYS LEFT: 2

TODAY'S GIFT IDEA: A weekend getaway at Turtle Bay Resort

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The bay where you can snorkel, swim or — what we did — lounge around and read a book.

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We grabbed a quick snack at the Hang Ten bar, where you can get fish tacos (like these) and watch the surf.

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There's a fun break just off the resort that, lucky for us, was going off while we were there. Makes for great entertainment!

PRICE: $238 for a one-night stay during the week, $251 on the weekend in January 2010 for an ocean-front deluxe room with either a king- or queen-size bed.

THE GIST: If you can't think of something to get that special someone in your life — and time's a-ticking! — consider a weekend getaway in January, when all the Christmas madness dies down. We recently stayed at the Turtle Bay Resort in Kahuku and were impressed by the beautifully landscaped grounds, the friendly staff, the hotel food (yes, it wasn't bad!) and, of course, the bevy of things to do on the North Shore, from watching the winter surf to grabbing lunch at North Shore Okazu & Bento in Hale'iwa. Or you can spend the entire weekend just at the resort, which boasts two pools, a hot tub, championship golf courses, tennis courts, horseback-riding and hiking trails and great surf right off the Hang Ten bar.

THE ADDED BONUS: If you really want to impress, book a service at the Spa Luana during your stay. This full-service spa features a chocolate and Hawaiian coffee scrub ($125 for 50 minutes), a deep-cleansing facial ($130 for 50 minutes), a pineapple pedicure ($85 for 60 minutes) and a couples massage in an oceanside cabana ($290 for 50 minutes).

BEST FOR: Couples and families.

***

Follow Cat on Twitter @thedailydish or send her an e-mail at cat@thecatdish.com.

15 Responses to “ASK DR. DISH: Regifting OK?”

  1. M:

    Good morning Cat! :)

    I Hope all is well with you and your family....

    I regift all the time, I don't see anything wrong with that. If I can't use it why keep it, might as well give to someone else that could use it. Or regift it as a grab bag.


  2. jaydee:

    My wife got a gift once from her then manager. It was a book but inside the front cover page it was signed to the manager from another person. Oh well, it was the thought that counted, right? ;)

    "The bay where you can snorkel, swim or — what we did — lounge around and read a book."

    Who you trying to kid, Cat? :)


  3. Scott:

    My sister in law is getting the $75 dollar gift card to William Sonoma that my sister gave me last year, and that's that! That, like, paying it forward, or some cheesy phrase, right?
    Hey Cat, no fair with the Turtle Bay bit. That was my personal getaway on Oahu and I'm totally missing it right now. I surfed that break once, it was pretty good.


  4. joekalihi:

    I have never regifted. I guess it's okay.


  5. turk fontaine:

    As kids we used to do 'speed re-gifting'. Each of us would pick one thing to trade with the others after all packages were opened. I usually put a sweater into the pot. I grew up where it was cold (DC) and I have hated cold all my life. By extension, I hate sweaters too.


  6. James:

    I received a big box of King salmon and immediately gave it away as a gift. It is better someone eat it instead of it going to waste. For some strange reason, I keep receiving them and do not come around to opening them up to eat. I wonder how long salmon could keep in the special aluminum wrap. I have some sitting in my closet for over a year. I end up throwing them away fearing spoilage. Another one is coffee. I have so many different kinds of special coffee in my freezer and in my cooler that the best thing to do is give them away. Still another one is shirts and t-shirts that are not your size. Regifting is a good idea.


  7. maxcat:

    I am with joekalihi. Won't regift, but I will share gifts if they are edible or drinkable. My wife was one who felt that regifting was just flat wrong. She inculcated that notion so strongly in my mind, that to do so would just seem somehow not right. However, being the 'collector/acquirer' that she was, I will place items that she or I acquired with people who seem to appreciate them.


  8. papaya:

    I regift, but I still try to consider the likes of the recipient before giving. That being said, I have a number of new items in my closet that haven't found, and probably won't ever find, good homes.

    I'd rather give the item away to someone who will enjoy it than let it sit and go to waste, or just end up in the donation pile. And most things aren't junk... sometimes they're just not things I want for myself, even if they are awesome gifts! Nothing wrong with that. I still appreciate each gift I receive, even if I decide it's not for me in the end.


  9. oldshoes:

    Those are way too many rules for regifting. Just wrap it up and put a bow on it and smile. Re-use, Re-cycle, Re-gift. Happy Holidays.


  10. Max:

    @ Papaya --> You hit the nail on the head... If you are going to regift, make sure it suits whom you're giving it too... Once in the '90s a female friend of mine gave me a box with paperbacks in it... Romance paperbacks. She shoulda rethunk that one, LOL!

    Honestly though, if I gave someone a gift, and it turned out they couldn't make use of it for whatever reason, I would actually "hope" they would regift it to someone who would use it. I think it is a great concept--sort of like recycling. But again, make sure that whoever you regift it to won't regift it later.

    That's why I give gift cards to either department stores or entire malls... that way they can get whatever they want from a large selection. If someone says that it is too "impersonal," tough, so then next year... to coin another Seinfeldism, "No gift for you!"

    Mele Kalikimaka me ka Hau'oli Makahiki Hou everyone!


  11. Max:

    I should also state that another she regifted me a CD someone gave her... The Cocteau Twins' "Four Calendar Cafe." Now, up to that point, I had never listened to them... from that CD, they became one of my faves! Funny how the universe works!

    When I asked her if she liked the Cocteau Twins, she replied, "Who?" (haha) Dead giveaway there...

    BTW: the Sunday brunch at Turtle Bay is one of the best on the island in my opinion. At least it was when I went a few years ago...


  12. aokami:

    Re-gift, re-cycle, all the same. It's all part of being green. Sometimes, hanging on to more green. As long as you no make the mistake of giving em back to the same person or their close friend.


  13. NaPueo:

    Another re-gifting tip--Make sure the original giver and the "new" recipient are NOT in the same circle of friends.


  14. Chad Y:

    Whatever happened to gift receipts and returning?


  15. waialaesinglemom:

    Re-gifting is ok...especially if the the item in question is NOT going to be enjoyed by the original recipient. I've done it...But yeah, not a good idea to "advertise" the re-gifting to anyone. Keep it on the DL...And yes, definitely use new wrapping (including paper, bow, and/or label).