There’s no place for people our age to meet other people our age.
We’re not in college — best meeting place for adults, hands down — anymore. We’re over clubs. And that idea we can meet people in line at the grocery store? Yeah, who’s done that?
So here’s some good news for my single friends: Harbor Court Bistro, which occupies the third floor restaurant and bar area of Harbor Court in downtown, is opening today.
I got a sneak peek at the new spot — a venture of Elizabeth Hata Watanabe, owner of The O Lounge — on Friday. And I was thrilled — OK, relieved — that this new spot has the same cool vibe as Palomino, which had a 10-year run in the same space from 1997 to 2007.
Inside the bar area on Friday. It was packed!
And I missed Palomino. (Cassis Restaurant and Wine Bar, which operated there for 10 months, was too expensive and, well, French.) It was comfortable, not pretentious, with good pupus and cocktails. And that’s how Harbor Court Bistro felt, at least on Friday.
The best part was much of the wait staff and bartenders from Palomino — which I thought was a very adult place to meet people — came back.
Two bartenders from Palomino who came back.
Not sure if the bistro will host live music, but the band was a hit on Friday. People actually got up and danced.
Friday’s event was star-studded, at least by Honolulu standards. Actor Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa was there — and occasionally dancing. TV anchors including Diane Ako, Malika Dudley and Jill Kuramoto really upped the cute factor. And several lawmakers — who probably wouldn’t want to be named here — were also in attendance, sans alcoholic drinks.
The restaurant wasn’t serving its full menu — which Watanabe calls “eclectic international” — but here’s what we did have:
The restaurant offers five different pizzas: Hawaiian, Greek, Four Cheese, Chicken Alfredo and Classic Meat Combo. We sampled the latter ($11), which came with pepperoni, Italian sausage and sterling silver beef. Great with beer!
One of its signature pupus is the seasoned soybeans with furikake and mochi crunch. According to the menu, this is only served on the bar side.
We enjoyed the sauteed button mushrooms ($8), which came steaming hot and topped with garlic pepper butter and Parmesan cheese.
We tried the chicken quesadilla with peppers, goat cheese and a fruit salsa. I thought the flavors went well together, but it was a bit dry.
Another pupu favorite: steak fries with a really unusual banana ketchup. Yep, banana. It’s weird at first, but it starts to grow on you.
So if you’re looking for adult conversations without the distractions of go-go girls dancing on bar tables, check out the Harbor Court Bistro. At least you’ll feel like a grown-up among other grown-ups!
He’s 33 years old, a graduate in physics from Harvard University, and total in touch with his manhood.
He’s even highly organized.
But when you find out this guy has an Excel spreadsheet that tracks his more than 132 female conquests — from Jamie the real estate agent to Jackie the flight attendant — in New York City, well, your opinion might change just a bit. (And maybe your stomach will twitch, too.)
Would you date this man?
Janka, who shares his sage dating advice in an eBook aptly titled “Getting Laid in NYC,” is a self-proclaimed Casanova who openly admits that men should behave more like their cavemen counterparts. As in, hit the poor woman over the head with your club and drag her back to your cave. (Read more from the New York Post here.)
Here’s a sampling:
“It’s a market, and there are plenty of girls for everyone. She may look fit, sexy and sophisticated, but after you’ve (had sex with) her and she’s naked, with mascara running down her face and she’s trying to stuff her thighs into a pair of too small jeans at 2 a.m., you’ll realize she’s just another person trying to get by. Don’t be intimidated.”
He even called dinner dates “an unacceptable risk to wallet and watch.”
He was featured in yesterday’s “Dr. Phil” as a man to avoid. (One female audience member cried out that he should be neutered. I had to laugh.)
The type: over-confident, egotistical, arrogant and total misogynist. And yet, at least 132 women climbed into bed with this guy. What does that say about him — or us?
There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Most women dig a confident guy, someone who knows what he wants and goes after it. He doesn’t hedge, he makes decisions, he doesn’t hide from conflict, he speaks his mind. Confidence can be very cool.
But when can confidence turn into self-absorbed arrogance? And what’s the attraction of someone like Janka, who’s openly (and overly) self-assured?
A woman I recently met — single and thirty-something — is desperately looking for a nightclub where she can dance, meet cute guys, and not feel like the oldest person in the room.
Then she complained about something that made me actually stop and think: “What’s with the guys? They don’t ask girls to dance. We ended up dancing by ourselves and the guys just watched.”
I’ve noticed that about Hawai’i nightclubs: The women will hit the dance floor — together — and groove while the guys stand around the perimeter and gawk, Heineken in hand.
Is this just a local thing? Or did this only happen at Ocean’s?
I wasn’t sure, so I called a perpetually single guyfriend of mine and asked him, “What gives?”
He said guys actually do ask women to dance — but only after trying to strike up a conversation and maybe getting her to agree to a drink. No way are guys going to just ask someone to dance. And get shot down? In front of his friends? I don’t think so.
The thing is, I’ve never, ever been asked to dance. At least not since the eighth grade! And neither have my girlfriends.
And what’s with the Ninja dancing? Ladies, help me out here: Don’t you head to the dance floor with your gal pals and, somewhere between “Baby Got Back” and “Umbrella,” a guy starts to dance near you, then around you, then right behind you? I never understood why guys think this tactic works. Because with my girlfriends, this has never, ever worked.
And I don’t count that as “asking a girl to dance.”
In his attempt to defend his gender, my guyfriend said men really do ask women to dance, even at nightclubs, even when the girl-on-girl show on the dance floor may be better than trying to get involved. In fact, more times than not, he said, women ask them to dance.
But I (respectfully) beg to differ.
Anyone can prove either of us wrong? I’d love to hear what you all have to say!
***
Some of you have been asking about my relationship — why I’m moving, why I’m talking about empathy, why I’m putting together a list of break-up songs — and, as many of you have pointed out to me, I’ve been avoiding the topic. (You guys are observant!)
So let’s just say, yes, I’m newly single, but I’m not really ready to talk about it just yet. So I apologize if I’ve been avoiding the conversation. (I was!) Thanks for your kind words, your support and, above all, your friendship through this. It’s meant a lot.
Last week a girlfriend of mine told me we — meaning, all women — have to stop being the “Fix-It Girl.”
“‘Fix-It Girl?’” I asked. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“No,” she replied, shaking her head in a way that made me feel like I had the social skills of a sixth-grader. “I’m not talking about women who can change a light bulb. I’m talking about women who try to ‘fix’ men.”
Ah, I know the type.
These are women who take on “projects,” men who have issues or problems they think they can “fix.” Like the guy who’s afraid of commitment. Or the guy who’s suffering from a broken heart. Or the guy who has so much potential but can’t seem to hold down a job.
But here’s the catch: these women aren’t usually the ones these guys end up staying with. No, they get “fixed” and move on. And the next women reaps the benefits of the Fix-It Girl’s hard work.
Does this sound familiar?
I’ve been there. I’ve long been a sucker for guys who need help — the strays, as my friend calls them — and these relationships have never worked out. It’s almost like we end up using each other: I need a project to satisfy my need to save people; they take advantage of my help and compassion. It doesn’t work.
Why do we feel this urge to change our mates? Why can’t we make decisions like, “This guy isn’t right for me” or “I’m not compatible with her.” Why try to shape them into something they’re not? And who says anyone needs to be “fixed” anyway?
Why, after a break-up, do we find ourselves listening to sad, depressing songs, often about break-ups?
I had this discussion with a former coworker at lunch the other day. He has a CD of his favorite “loser songs,” which he listens to when he’s feeling down.
Like it’s supposed to cheer him up.
Turns out, it’s one of his favorite compilations.
Here’s a sample:
“One,” Three Dog Night
“Lonesome Loser,” Little River Band
“Crying,” Roy Orbison and kd lang
“Rainy Days and Mondays,” The Carpenters
“When She Loved Me,” Sarah McLachlan
“On and On,” Stephen Bishop
“After the Love is Gone,” Earth, Wind and Fire
“Diary,” Bread
“Just My Imagination,” The Temptations
“Break It To Me Gently,” Juice Newton
“Never Get Over You Getting Over Me,” Expose
“Operator,” Jim Croce Thanks, CL
So what is it about sad songs — “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Sinead O’Connor or “How To Save a Life” by The Fray — that makes us want to listen to them when we’re already sad? Is it because they speak to our pain? Are we addicted to suffering? Does it really make us feel any better?
Why not listen to more empowering stuff like Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” or Kelly Clarkson’s “Since You Been Gone”? Makes more sense.
My (very cute and still only 23 years old) gal pal just broke up with her boyfriend about a month ago. Though the separation was her decision, she’s still not eating and watching romantic comedies by herself.
And she’s listening to really sad, depressing, hate-my-life kind of music.
So it got me thinking: what are the most popular break-up, feeling-sorry-for-myself songs?
What are your picks?
***
Here’s AskMen’s list of the 10 best break-up songs:
“Back Off Bitch” by Guns N’ Roses
“Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac
“(I Hate) Everything About You” by Three Days Grace
“Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails
“(I Just) Died In Your Arms” by Cutting Crew
“I Will Survive” by Cake
“Always On My Mind” by Elvis Presley
“This Love” by Pantera
“Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus
“No Woman, No Cry”” by Bob Marley & The Wailers
